I wont bore you with the details of hanging out with all the other Kept Boys, including Marc Jacobs very fun toy, or the whole New Years shenanigans we stumbled into at some African dictators son's party. We made our best efforts not to be photographed in such mixed company so don't try to look for us on any gossip sites. To cleanse us from such people who do bad things My Sir surprised me with my holiday gift, which he wasn't planning on unveiling until the spring, a bungalow he bought for me in Lake Tahoe.
Right after New Years we took a private jet with a couple of other business people to California. I have been a busy little beaver decorating the place to our liking. In a past life Agatha must have been a decorator, she came up with the most expressive places to put pink leopard print and Mexican bowls! I still have some decorating left to do before heading back home. But that doesn't mean food stops being cooked and eaten. Here is a clever chicken dish to prepare when you are warming up a new home. Fun, expressive and above all delicious, this dish allows me to use a geographically apt cook wear that is fortunately very phallic.
Enjoy.
Crispy Kim Chee Roasted Chicken
The Ingredients:
-1 Gallon of Water
The Ingredients:
-1 Gallon of Water-1 Liter of Coca Cola
(or you can use ½ cup of sugar instead)- Agatha says Coke works better because acids in the Cola help to tenderize the meat.
-1 Cup of Salt
-1 Whole Chicken
-1 Packet of Kim Chee or Buffalo Seasoning Mix- (being a connoisseur of Kim Chee and owning a Kim Chee refrigerator, I know that this seasoning mix makes for a good Chicken rub and not much else). You can get it at the Asian market.
-1 Cup of Salt
-1 Whole Chicken
-1 Packet of Kim Chee or Buffalo Seasoning Mix- (being a connoisseur of Kim Chee and owning a Kim Chee refrigerator, I know that this seasoning mix makes for a good Chicken rub and not much else). You can get it at the Asian market.-1 Whole Onion
Bring half of the gallon of water to a boil. Remove from heat and dissolve 1 cup of salt into it (if using sugar instead of Coke dissolve the sugar as well). We are creating a Brine for the Chicken to soak in. You can add other spices and seasonings here if you would like. Since the Kim Chee Seasoning mix is pretty spicy, I opted to keep this brine very basic.
When the Mixture is FULLY cooled, add the other ½ Gallon of water and the 1 Liter of Coke. Mix well. Submerge the chicken in the mixture and refrigerate for at least 4 hours. If needed use a bowl or plate to keep the Chicken submerged. If you do not have enough liquid to submerge your Chicken, add more cold water to top it off.
Bring half of the gallon of water to a boil. Remove from heat and dissolve 1 cup of salt into it (if using sugar instead of Coke dissolve the sugar as well). We are creating a Brine for the Chicken to soak in. You can add other spices and seasonings here if you would like. Since the Kim Chee Seasoning mix is pretty spicy, I opted to keep this brine very basic.
When the Mixture is FULLY cooled, add the other ½ Gallon of water and the 1 Liter of Coke. Mix well. Submerge the chicken in the mixture and refrigerate for at least 4 hours. If needed use a bowl or plate to keep the Chicken submerged. If you do not have enough liquid to submerge your Chicken, add more cold water to top it off. 
This is called Brining a Chicken!
A simple science lesson. Brining works when salts in the Brine pull out juices from the Chicken causing the meat to absorb the seasoning and flavorings (in this case Coke and more water). This process changes the texture of the proteins in the meat and makes it harder for moisture to escape during the cooking process leading to a much tastier and moister Chicken. Agatha says ALWAYS brine Chicken and Turkey (even Pork and Seafoods), but NEVER Beef, Lamb, or Duck.
After a minimum of four hours, take the Chicken out of the Brine and rinse the Brine off inside and out. Using paper towels, pat the chicken dry- making sure you dry the inside as well.
Place the Chicken on a platter and use the Kim Chee Seasoning Mix as a rub. Rub the chicken all over the inside, outside, and under the skin. Cover the Chicken with foil and place in the refrigerator for 15-30 minutes to “marinate” and absorb the flavors of the “rub”.
In the meantime, soak your phallic terra cotta roasting dish in cold water. If you do not have a fancy roasting dish like the one Sir bought for me, then start drinking half a can of any beer. You will use the beer can to stand the chicken up during the roasting process.
After 30 minutes, preheat your oven to 350 degrees, peel the onion and place the whole onion inside your Chicken. Place your chicken on your roaster (or balance it on your half filled beer can in a 9 x 13 pan).
You can use kitchen twin to help tie the limbs of the bird together (this makes for a nicer presentation so your birds wings and legs aren’t all over the place (or if using the beer can, using twine can help you balance it better).
Using foil, cover the ends of the your bird wingtips and drumsticks to keep them from singe-ing.
Bake 2 to 2 and 1/2 hours depending on the size of your Chicken until done (internal temperature of 165 degrees F. and the juices run clear).
A simple science lesson. Brining works when salts in the Brine pull out juices from the Chicken causing the meat to absorb the seasoning and flavorings (in this case Coke and more water). This process changes the texture of the proteins in the meat and makes it harder for moisture to escape during the cooking process leading to a much tastier and moister Chicken. Agatha says ALWAYS brine Chicken and Turkey (even Pork and Seafoods), but NEVER Beef, Lamb, or Duck.
After a minimum of four hours, take the Chicken out of the Brine and rinse the Brine off inside and out. Using paper towels, pat the chicken dry- making sure you dry the inside as well.
Place the Chicken on a platter and use the Kim Chee Seasoning Mix as a rub. Rub the chicken all over the inside, outside, and under the skin. Cover the Chicken with foil and place in the refrigerator for 15-30 minutes to “marinate” and absorb the flavors of the “rub”.
In the meantime, soak your phallic terra cotta roasting dish in cold water. If you do not have a fancy roasting dish like the one Sir bought for me, then start drinking half a can of any beer. You will use the beer can to stand the chicken up during the roasting process.
After 30 minutes, preheat your oven to 350 degrees, peel the onion and place the whole onion inside your Chicken. Place your chicken on your roaster (or balance it on your half filled beer can in a 9 x 13 pan).You can use kitchen twin to help tie the limbs of the bird together (this makes for a nicer presentation so your birds wings and legs aren’t all over the place (or if using the beer can, using twine can help you balance it better).
Using foil, cover the ends of the your bird wingtips and drumsticks to keep them from singe-ing.Bake 2 to 2 and 1/2 hours depending on the size of your Chicken until done (internal temperature of 165 degrees F. and the juices run clear).
For the next full post, we'll see what Agatha finds for me at the library to fulfill one of my New Years resolutions - to be more intellectual.
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